The Rules of Father’s Day

Father’s Day has some rules. Dads, feel free to add your own rules below in the comments. Also feel free to print these rules out for purposes of enforcement throughout the day.

1. Dad gets to consume unlimited quantities of beer, scotch or whiskey throughout the duration of Father’s Day. Dad cannot drink wine coolers or other various smorgasbord type of alcohol left in the basement fridge. If there is not enough acceptable alcohol available, a non-dad must go to the nearest open booze-mart. This still rule applies to people living in shameful states that close liquor stores on Sundays (here’s looking at you Minnesota);

2. Dad gets to watch baseball and/or golf for the entirety of the day;

3. Dad gets the TV remote for the entirety of the day (see Rule #2);

4. If Dad is given a tie as a gift, Dad gets to strangle the gift-giver with said tie;

5. Dad may request any non-dad to retrieve food and/or drink for him at any time (see also Rule #1);

6. Dad may pee with the door open if he damn well pleases;

7. Dad may, within the sole discretion and direction of said dad, instate any other rules throughout the course of the day.

Founder and operations manager of all things Dirty Beer Hole. Don't forget to tip your servers -- just the tip.

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